[Humor] church bloopers

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Tue Nov 23 18:12:53 GMT 2004

Church Bloopers Revisited

They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be
speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending
the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to
someone who doesn't care much about you.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. 
They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble
sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to help
cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and
heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the BS is done.

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours."

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