[Humor] church bloopers

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Tue Nov 23 18:12:53 GMT 2004


Church Bloopers Revisited

They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services.
--------------------- 
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be
speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
_____

PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending
the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."
_____

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
Searching for Jesus."
_____

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Don't forget your husbands.
_____

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
_____

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to
someone who doesn't care much about you.
_____

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
_____

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. 
They need all the help they can get.
____

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble
sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
_____

The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
_____

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
began in their school days.
____

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
_____

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to help
cripple children.
_____

Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
_____

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and
heave a healthy lunch.
_____

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
____

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.
_____

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the BS is done.
_____

Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
_____

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
____

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours."


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