[Humor] LIVING WILL

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Wed Apr 6 17:51:50 GMT 2005


 New Living Will

 I,  _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
 and body, do  not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
 means.

 Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood
 politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives
 depended on it.

 If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for
 a cold beer or extra dry martini,  it should be presumed that I won't
 ever get better.  When such a  determination is reached, I hereby
 instruct my spouse, children and ALL attending physicians to pull the
 plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

 Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
 special law to keep me on life-support machinery.  It is my wish that
 these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead
 to the health,  education, and future of the millions of Americans who
 aren't in a permanent  coma.

 Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.  I
 don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for
 their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play
 politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

 I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
 legislators in which they  pretend to care about me. I don't know these
 people, and I certainly haven't  authorized them to preach and crusade
 on my behalf.  They should mind their own damn business too.

 If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
 political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and  make
 his or her existence a living hell.

 _______________________________________
 Signature

 __________________________________
 Witness


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