[Humor] Heven Help the Teachers . . .

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Fri Apr 8 12:35:33 GMT 2005

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching
prospect said, "Let me see if I have this correct:

"You want me to go into that room with all those children, and fill
their every waking moment with a love for learning.  And I'm supposed to
instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their t-shirt
messages and dress habits".

"You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their
self esteem.

"You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship,
fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how
to apply for a job".

"I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of anti-social behavior, offer advice, write letters of
recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage
respect for the cultural diversity of others, and oh, make sure that I
give the young ladies in my class fifty percent of my attention".

"My contract requires me to work on my own time after school, evenings
and weekends grading papers.  Also, I must spend my summer vacation, at
my own expense, working toward advance certification and a Masters
degree.  And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty
meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training.

"I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very
presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of

"You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience,
monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student.  That
includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to
commit a crime in school."

"I am to make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even
those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their

"Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps --
mental and physical -- get an equal education regardless of the extent
of their disability.  And I am to communicate regularly with the parents
by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card."

"All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few
books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that
qualifies my family for food stamps"!

"You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me . . .

 . . . NOT TO PRAY?"

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