[Humor] Some of Bob Hope's Famous Quips

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Tue Sep 6 17:26:47 GMT 2005


Bob Hope
May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill."

ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday 
suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more 
than the cake."

ON TURNING 100: " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything 
until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING: "I ruined my hands in the ring 
... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards
or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'"

ON GOLF: "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to
pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS: "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained 
only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER: "When I was born,
the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an 
eight-pound ham.'"

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: "I feel very humble, but I 
think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY: "Four of us slept in the one bed. When 
it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS: "That's how I learned to dance -- waiting for the 
bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES: "I would not have had anything to eat if it 
weren't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN: "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to 
blow the hereafter on a technicality."


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