[Humor] Fwd: How to Apply for Illegal Immigrant Status ??

Jim Nasby decibel at decibel.org
Tue Jul 25 00:32:06 CDT 2006

Subject: A Maryland resident petitions his Senator to become an  
illegal alien:

  June 7, 2006

  The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
  309 Hart Senate Office Building
  Washington DC, 20510

  Dear Senator Sarbanes,

  As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal
Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have
contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort
to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they
referred me to you.

  My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this
bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been
in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become
a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of
the last five years.

  I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the
process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those
of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year
so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can
apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent
result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004
and 2005.

  Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law
school applications.

  If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your

  Your Loyal Constituent,

  Pete McGlaughlin

More information about the Humor mailing list