[Humor] Why reality sucks

Jim C. Nasby jim at nasby.net
Tue Jun 13 16:28:25 CDT 2006


If College-Themed Porn Were Real 

Situation One: The Naughty Student
Cindi, an attractive student with a large rack, walks up to the desk of
her professor.

Porn:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: (has sex with him)

Reality:
Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?
Professor: Some students do extra credit work.
Cindi: Like what?
Professor: A seven- to ten-page report about the economic principles
behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.
Cindi: Oh. That makes sense and it is an appropriate extra credit
assignment for the course.


Situation Two: The Hot Teacher
Paul, a student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his
teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts.

Porn:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: (fellates Paul)

Reality:
Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?
Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.
Paul: How?
Professor Mandy: A series of tests based on the material covered in this
course.
Paul: Could I just have sex with you instead?
Professor Mandy: (sues Paul)


Situation Three: The Sorority
Between two and a half-dozen attractive coeds sit on a large bed, in
nighties which barely contain their ample bosoms.

Porn:
Head Sorority Girl: Let's have a naked pillowfight!
Assistant Head Sorority Girl: And practice kissing!
Sorority Girls: (do those things)

Reality:
I kind of assume this is what actually happens in sororities.


Situation Four: The Curious Freshman
A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her
boyfriend, Brett. Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of
overripe grapefruit? She does.

Porn:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: Okay.

Reality:
Brett: Let's try anal sex.
Candi: No.


Situation Five: The Janitor
A strangely-muscular janitor knocks on the door of Bambi, a girl whose
low-cut shirt reveals a veritable explosion of cleavage.

Porn:
Janitor: Do those pipes need cleaning?
Bambi: (apparently this is all the pillow talk she needs to have all
kinds of sex with him)

Reality:
Janitor: Perhaps I should have stayed in school.
Bambi: I can see how you could be disappointed with your station in
life.


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