[Humor] Yet another candidate for IL Governor

[Jim C. Nasby]

The sad thing is that he probably wouldn't do any worse than most
governors out there.

----- Forwarded message from Remer Bill
Washington man an unlikely write-in hopeful for governor  Tuesday,
October 31, 2006

By CHRISTOPHER WILLS  of The Associated Press SPRINGFIELD,IL 

- Most politicians like to play it safe. Not Tim Nieukirk. 

He'll blindside firefighters rushing to save cats caught in a tree. He
won't climb into bed with special interests, but he will with your
sister. And he goes after a breed of criminal that most politicians
prefer to ignore - the Hamburglar. 

The Washington man is the star of a series of over-the-top campaign ads
promoting his write-in campaign for Illinois governor. 

The campaign consists entirely of homemade ads on YouTube.com and a
MySpace.com page, but Nieukirk says he's filed the necessary paperwork
in every county so that any votes he collects will be officially
counted. 

So what does Tim "Get Nieuked" Nieukirk stand for? 

Hard to tell. His ads, while funny, aren't exactly informative. 

One shows him in a mullet wig in front of a trailer park backdrop. 

"Hey, John Q. Public! This is Jasper here with an important message. Tim
Nieukirk is running for governor of Illinois," he says before turning
his attention to more important matters. "Ricky! Get off my Trans Am!" 

In another ad, an ominous narrator warns that "some politicians are in
bed with big business, casinos or even organized crime." Then the camera
shows a grinning Nieukirk under the covers with a pretty young woman.
"But Tim Nieukirk? He's in bed with your sister!" 

Other ads show Nieukirk helping a friend remodel his bathroom, knocking
down a firefighter so he gets the glory of rescuing a cat (well,
technically a guy in a bright-orange cat costume) and bringing the
Hamburglar to justice. 

Nieukirk, 25, lives with his parents in Washington and works at a local
restaurant. He insists the grinning, slightly befuddled guy in the
commercials is not an act. 

"It's 100 percent me. That's what makes it so awesome," he said. "I'm
trying to show people that Tim Nieukirk is one of them." 

That means he doesn't take campaign donations from special interests
(not that any are offering) and he wouldn't run for re-election, letting
him devote all his time and energy to public service. 

Unlike Gov. Rod Blagojevich, Nieukirk would live and work in
Springfield. 

"I'm more than happy to move into the mansion. I need to get out of my
parents' house," he explained. 

His campaign proposals include selling ad space on classroom ceilings so
advertisers can reach daydreaming students and drilling for oil in state
parks - "every one of them. We need the money, man." 

Nieukirk's partner in making the campaign ads is his childhood friend
and running mate, Casey DeFauw. His campaign slogan: "Honesty.
Integrity. Beards." 

DeFauw studied film at Southern Illinois University and does some
stand-up comedy, but he insists the "Get Nieuked" campaign is more than
an excuse to make funny home movies. 

DeFauw said they're genuinely fed up with politics as usual and, in
particular, this year's candidates for Illinois governor, Democrat
Blagojevich and Republican Judy Baar Topinka. 

Nieukirk's ads mock politicians who communicate through empty 30-second
campaign commercials, he said. Politicians show schools and farm fields
and expect voters to dumbly conclude the candidate must be a friend to
students and farmers. 

That's especially galling to DeFauw when the Internet now gives
candidates a cheap way to reach voters with more creative, thoughtful
ads. He said the "Get Nieuked" ads are meant to grab attention so that
people will listen to more serious messages about education, energy
conservation and other problems. 

So far, however, those serious messages haven't materialized. With just
a week left until Election Day, Nieukirk's ads have stayed firmly in the
wacky zone. And Nieukirk doesn't seem stressed about what voters will
decide. 

"If I don't win, I can still put on my resume that I ran for governor,"
he said. "Not too many people can say that."
----- End forwarded message -----