[Humor] Banned from Walmart

Rob Nasby rob at nasbys.com
Thu Dec 11 04:22:12 UTC 2008

This is why women should never take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to  
Wal-Mart . Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and  
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is  
like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local  

Dear Mrs. Williams,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a  
commotion in our   store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have  
been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against Mr. Bill Williams are listed below and are  
documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's  
carts when they weren't looking.

2.  July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- 
minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the  
women's restroom.

4.  July   19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official  
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5.  August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's  
on layaway.

6.   August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.   August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other  
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets  
from the bedding department.

8.   August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began  
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9.   September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as  
a mirror while he picked his nose.

10.  September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he  
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.  October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly  
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12.   October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna  
look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13.  October 18 : Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed  
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14.  October 21 : When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he  
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least ..

15.  October 23 : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited  
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Rob Nasby
rob at nasbys.com

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