[Humor] Installing a Husband

Decibel! decibel at decibel.org
Fri Oct 3 21:59:38 UTC 2008

 INSTALLING A HUSBAND                                                       
 Dear Tech Support,                                                         
 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a       
 distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the       
 flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under           
 Boyfriend 5.0.                                                             
 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,         
 such as:                                                                   
 * Romance 9.5 and                                                          
 * Personal Attention 6.5,                                                  
     and then installed undesirable programs such as :                      
 * NBA 5.0,                                                                 
 * NFL 3.0 and                                                              
 * Golf Clubs 4.1                                                           
 Also, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply        
 crashes the system.                                                        
 Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these             
 problems, but to no avail.                                                 
 What can I do?                                                             
 DEAR DESPERATE ,                                                           
 First, keep in mind,                                                       
 * Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while                         
 * Husband 1.0 is an Operating system.                                      
 Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears    
 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that             
 application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically       
 run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.                          
 However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband      
 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.         
 Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download        
 the Snoring Loudly Beta.                                                   
 Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install                  
 Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will             
 eventually seize control of all your system resources.)                    
 In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0          
 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.    
 In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited       
 memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider       
 buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We           
 * Cooking 3.0 and                                                          
 * Hot Lingerie 7.7.                                                        
 Good Luck!                                                                 
 Tech Support                                                               

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