[Humor] Productivity...

[decibel]

Random Thoughts of the Day:

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can  
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can  
tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly  
involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you  
realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're  
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to  
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the  
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like  
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to  
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're  
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was  
younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This  
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never  
be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and  
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f * ck was going on when I  
first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually  
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting  
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's  
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little  
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the  
only one who really, really gets it.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than  
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear  
your computer history if you die.

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else  
to say".
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all  
I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod  
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'  
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete  
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and  
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I  
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their  
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got  
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind  
if I do!

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go  
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so  
incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this  
shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work  
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything  
productive for the rest of the day.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people  
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will  
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't  
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and  
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she  
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light  
internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,  
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,  
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still  
not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to  
answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do  
to with it.

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would  
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and  
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they  
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw  
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,  
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think  
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people  
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating  
by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard  
before dinner.